So, you've finally found that special someone with whom you want to spend the rest of your life. Now you just have to muster up the courage to pop the question. Perhaps it’s not courage that’s lacking, but you come up short in the creative department. After all, the details that surround the proposal are as important as the proposal itself.
Popping the Question
Whether something crazy and creative or quiet and intimate, that’s up to you. Here are a few important things to remember.
1. Put thought into the proposal. This will be a moment that you both will remember forever. Serenaded by fireworks is not necessary, however, “Hey, by the way, ya wanna get married?” while changing the
tire on the car isn’t appropriate either.
2. Everyone is going to want to know the story behind the proposal, from friends at work to Great Aunt Mildred. Assure that the story can be shared using good taste. The phrase ”Blushing Bride” did not come from the bride telling details of her proposal.
3. If you plan to make your proposal public for all to see and hear (bill boards, T.V. or in front of the world to see), be 100% sure that the response will be a definite YES! It would be unkind and unfair to put your hopeful perspective in an uncomfortable situation.
CLICK HERE FOR Engagement Q&A
Announcing the Engagement
Once the proposal has been accepted, now it’s time to share this special news with family and friends.
Family - If your parents have not had the opportunity to meet your perspective partner, allow for a meeting before telling them of your engagement.
Friends - Close friends do not like to hear news like this through the grape vine. Have an informal get together or set a date at a favorite restaurant so that you can tell your closest friends at the same time. They will be happy for you, and feel good that you included them in your special news.
*Remember, starting off on the right foot is essential for building healthy long-term relationships with family and friends.
CLICK HERE FOR Engagement Q&A
What’s Next?
Lots of planning, preparation, time and energy. Though this is the day you have been dreaming of, remember others share it as well. Although you can’t make everyone happy, take into consideration wishes and requests of those who are closest that love and care for you. Marriage is about giving 100%, so now is as good of a time to learn this principle. Your goal is to make it down the isle without turning in-laws into out-laws. Yes, it’s your wedding, and you will have the final say, however, consideration and respect go along way.
Communication is essential in planning a wedding. More than likely everyone will not agree on everything, however, agree to disagree respectfully. Some things just aren’t that important. A little bit of compromise is beneficial for all involved. Discuss ahead of time financial responsibilities. At one time, guidelines were set in concrete, and though there are certain designated financial responsibilities, today, there are many more options to include in a wedding, so be creative. I would suggest referring to The Toledo Wedding Guide to familiarize yourself with the many options, and whose financial responsibility they are. For example, a limousine service is something that a bride and groom may desire, yet is considered an added luxury. In this case, they should pay. One thing to keep in mind however, just because someone is taking on most of the financial responsibility, does not mean they have the most say. On the other hand, be gracious of requests on behalf of those who are investing. Three words to keep in mind.
Communication, Respect and Compromise.
If you have not already done so, pick up a copy of The Toledo Wedding Guide. This will give direction and establish time lines to get things done. IE. Reserve your Church and reception hall, choose a menu, order flowers and invitations, schedule fittings, etc. In fact, you may want to provide a Wedding Guide for those who are closely involved, including the maid of honor and best man. This is a wonderful resource.
* When ordering your wedding invitations, this is a good time to order your thank you cards as well. Invitations should be sent out 6 weeks before the wedding. Eight weeks for out of town guests. There is another creative option that many couples are using. To get your special day on a guest's calendar early, couples are sending a magnet with their picture and a "Save-the-Date", months before the formal invitations are sent out.
* Be specific with your invitation wishes. If you intend for an adult single guest to invite a date, include "and guest". Guests who have good manners would not just assume its o.k. nor would they ask. Most single adults appreciate this option. Also, make your requests clear about children. Unless stated "no children", most guests will bring them. If older children are invited, and younger ones are not, make sure you clarify your wishes.
CLICK HERE FOR Pre-Wedding Q&A
The Wedding Party
Be considerate of cost. Weddings are expensive, and those who agree to be in your wedding may be on a very tight budget. Choose dresses that can be worn again if slightly altered. The same with shoes.
Keep in contact with those who are in your wedding party. Don’t allow your wedding party to feel like they’re just "filling a pair of shoes" for the day.
Once again, there are designated responsibilities from who provides the bridal shower to who offers a toast. Hurt feelings can stem from unfulfilled responsibilities, or grand expectations as well. Communicate.
CLICK HERE FOR Pre-Wedding Q&A
Rehearsal and Dinner
The Rehearsal dinner should include everyone who is involved in the wedding, including ushers, readers, and musicians. Immediately following the dress rehearsal, the groom’s family traditionally hosts a dinner, which includes the wedding party, immediate family, and out of town guests if desired.
CLICK HERE FOR Rehearsal and Dinner Q&A
The Ceremony
Congratulations! You’ve made it this far. Now just enjoy the day. There is bound to be a glitch or two, but that’s O.K. I’ve never seen glitches ruin a wedding, unless people allow them to.
The ceremony will mark your identity and seal your status as a married couple. Traditional or non-traditional, formal or informal, religious or non-
religious, all express your personality, values, and personal identity, through your unique touches that are woven throughout your ceremony. Remember that the uniting of a couple is also the uniting of families. Be sensitive and courteous of each family, respecting and valuing differences, while honoring the position each person holds.
When stepparents and siblings are involved, plan to make all feel included. (I.e. Seating, involvement in ceremony, and positioning in reception line) If there have been unresolved issues, don’t allow your wedding to mark WWIII. Avoid using this special occasion to “put someone in their place” as seen in your eyes. You are only setting the stage for hurt feelings. Put family issues aside, and celebrate the reason for the day.
CLICK HERE FOR Ceremony Q&A
The Reception
Enjoy! Relax! Have fun! The hard parts over. Again, honor those involved by seat placement. Don’t stick estranged uncle Ed in the corner somewhere. During the evening, although you’re mesmerized by each other, and you should be, walk around and greet your guests. Thank them for attending your special day. Brush up on your introduction skills. If you can’t remember someone’s name, don’t worry, it happens to all of us. Just simply say, “Please forgive me, with all the excitement, I’ve forgotten your name.”
CLICK HERE FOR Reception Q&A
The Successful Toast
At one time, it was the best mans responsibility to offer a toast. However, today it is customary for both the best man and the maid of honor to offer one. This should be a toast of encouragement, support and good will to the newly married couple. It is not a time to embarrass, pay back or include private "inside jokes" that no one understands. It may be sprinkled with a touch of humor, however, sentiment must also be present.
A toast should last no longer than three to five minutes. When the toast is given, all guests should raise their glasses, and drink to the couple. Typically champagne or wine is provided for the toast, however non-alcoholic drinks should be made available for guests as well.
CLICK HERE FOR Reception Q&A
The First Dance
The first dance by the bride and groom often takes place after the first course, and before the main entr'ee. Many weddings do not begin the dancing until after the dinner is over. Once the bride and groom have danced, it is customary for the parents to dance. Then the wedding party and finally, the guests.
CLICK HERE FOR Reception Q&A
Cake Cutting
As strong as the temptation may be, giving each other a cake bath is not appropriate for the bride and groom. Serving each other a piece of cake represents their willingness to share themselves and their belongings with each other. I’ve seen more receptions take a turn when the cake cutting turned into a spectacle, leaving each other a mess for the evening. When cutting the cake, the groom places his right hand over the brides. This signifies their unity in working together.
CLICK HERE FOR Reception Q&A
Time to Leave
Once the main activities of the evening are over, slipping away is appropriate for the bride and groom. They needn’t say goodbye to all of their guests; however, giving appropriate thanks and farewells to parents is a must.
CLICK HERE FOR Reception Q&A
Honeymoon
The honeymoon is a time for the bride and groom to relax, reflect on their wedding, enjoy the moment, anticipate their new life together, and have fun. This is your special time. Therefore, leave business behind, turn cell phones off, and just chill. It is not necessary to tell guests of your honeymoon plans. If asked, just wink, and tell them that it's your secret. Guests will understand. It is always a good idea to provide a parent or trustworthy friend with your travel plans and contact information. Choose someone that will respect your privacy.
CLICK HERE FOR Honeymoon Q&A
Post Wedding
Don’t forget to send those thank you cards! A newly married couple has a grace period of 4-6 weeks to send them. If the couple is taking an extended honeymoon, you may opt to send a pre-printed card stating that you will have an extended honeymoon, but a personal thank you will follow upon your return. In this case, up to 3 months is acceptable. Never e-mail a wedding thank you.
CLICK HERE FOR Post Wedding Q&A
Etiquette Tips for Guests
1. Always R.S.V.P. by the requested date. If the invitation states “And Guest,” bringing one is appropriate. If it does not, do not call up and ask. An invitation may request no children. Do not feel that you’re the exception. Newborn babies are not included in the no children request, however, please, please, please be considerate of the ceremony. Sit towards the back. As soon as your baby begins to fuss, quietly leave and go to an area that the crying will not distract from the ceremony.
2. Plan on arriving to the ceremony no later than ten minutes before it starts. If you arrive late, and the ceremony has started, do not be seated until the bride has walked down the isle and united with the groom. Only then, quietly take a seat in the back.
3. Before the ceremony, keep talking to a quiet whisper. Once the wedding party has started walking down the isle, keep talking to a minimum. All should Stand upon the bride's entrance. Do not leave during the ceremony unless absolutely necessary. Upon returning, just slip into the back row until the ceremony is finished. If babies and children are present, show consideration by excusing yourself if they become a distraction. Much planning and expense has gone into this special celebration, and it would be a shame to distract from the event.
4. Help to make this a memorable day for the bride and groom. Be encouraging and supportive instead of pointing out mistakes or offences. Do not detain them in conversation for long periods of time. They have many other guests to greet. Stay away from personal questions. If you don’t know much about the new bride or groom, don’t take this
opportunity to get to know them. Instead, invite the new couple over for dinner several weeks after the wedding to get acquainted.
5. If you bring the wedding gift with you, place it on the designated gift table. Gifts may be mailed to the brides home at least two weeks before the wedding. This is a helpful gesture. Cards may be given to the best man, or placed in a card box.
If you do not find the answer to your question, you may submit a question directly to our wedding expert by using the forms at the bottom of each question and answer (Q&A) page.